Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
