Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They have beer where we have blood.
how does that bad decision feel?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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