New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize