I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
