One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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