I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
