bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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