I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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