I cut my penus on the lid.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
