his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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