420 ftw
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
