And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
