just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize