at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
