dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
