I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
