Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
