i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
