sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
