I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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