I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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