You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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