I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
