So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
