It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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