If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this is an emotional support booty call
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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