Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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