For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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