We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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