This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
