I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
