We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
