I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize