Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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