It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
