and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
