im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
