Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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