Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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