i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
