Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
