Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
