in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
