all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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