I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
