How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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