let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
