dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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