I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
