I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
