My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize