Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
