I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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