so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
