Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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