i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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