you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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