she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
