i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
