yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize