I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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