Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
