Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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