yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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