We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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