My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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