Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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