But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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