There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
