I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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