I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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