it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
