just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
