New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
